Happy Fat and Hidden Dimples

Over the past few months, I have completely changed my focus on life.  I've been working on myself and developing my interests and talents.  I've exercised, slept, ate, partied, and laughed more than I have in a while. I wake up with complete gratitude for my circumstances and life that I've been blessed with.  My family continues to tell me that "I look better" and "I seem more like myself".  I'm extremely proud of this accomplishment!
Until a few days ago, I didn't realize how lost and different I was looking until I was looking through some pictures on my phone.  I think they really show visually the progress I've made and are strong evidence to me that I am pursing the right things.  I'm so grateful for this new perspective and gratitude I have for life now. 

The first picture above was taken about two months after I moved back home.  I was about 15 lbs lighter and my dimples had disappeared (they are there but just very faint). When I get stressed don't feel like eating, hence the rapid weight loss. I also was only getting about 2 hours of sleep a night, hence the rather large circles.  However, I like this picture because it was a huge turning point for me.  I cut about 4 inches off my hair and styled it different than what I regularly would. I felt comfortable in my skin again! The second picture just shows how freakishly skinny I was.  I wasn't unhappy at this time, but I still felt just so lost. Flash forward to July (below are two recent pictures I took of myself this month). As you can see my dimples are back! I'm back to a chubbier (but healthier) weight, and I LOOK HOW I FEEL, HAPPY! I'm extremely proud of this progress.  I'm so grateful for the way I've felt the Lord's hand in my life.  I know that I would not have been able to become this whole again if it wasn't for the atonement. I am so grateful for the comfort I have felt from my Heavenly Father as I pushed through hard days and pain.  I'm grateful for a beautiful new beginning and the joy I have back in my life!

I love this picture because you can see my two big ol' dimples! It makes me so happy to have them back!

My Struggles and Triumphs

This past year has been one of great struggle and triumph.  I finally feel comfortable enough to briefly explain why I am no longer married and why I made the decisions I made.  If I had not endured these trials myself I would not have thought them possible.  I take marriage very seriously and feel that divorce is only the answer in a few circumstances.  If I had not done everything I thought I could do to save my marriage, I would not have left it. Through this trial, I have realized that I could choose to learn from this and better myself. Ultimately, I feel that I am better for having experienced this.

A year ago I married my college sweetheart and within a few weeks, I hardly recognized the person who I had loved so dearly for the past two years.  The seven months we were married were filled with heartache and trials (I really don’t want to expand on the nature of my marriage or the trials I endured.  I believe strongly that a person can change, and I hope he is doing well).  In the process of trying to save my marriage, I lost myself completely.  I felt an enormous weight on myself all of the time. I relied greatly on my family and Heavenly Father to help me be positive and continue in marriage.  Eventually I realized that my marriage would not lead to the type of family I wanted to have.  So, I decided it was time to end my marriage.  Please believe me when I say, this was the hardest decision I have made in my entire life; it was not made brashly or lightly. My divorce was final at the end of June.

 While I still occasionally step backwards into a different stage of grief, I mostly live in acceptance.  I have accepted what happened to me and really don’t wish to dwell on it much longer.  I refuse to let this define me and just want to move on and be happy!  This year has also been a year of triumph.  I’m back to my happy geeky self.  My testimony has grown greatly.  I've felt the love my Heavenly Father has for me and the strength that can come from consistent prayer and scripture study.  Through this process, I've learned so many things about myself.  I've learned to enjoy the simple things in life that make it so wonderful.  I’m excited to see what the future will bring for me and I have peace in my heart that I did the best that I could do given my circumstances.  I am just overwhelmingly grateful for my life and everyone who loves and supports me. 

(Posting this is scary, but I hope that it will provide insight and closure)

Dirty Dash

This Spring some co-workers, Mandolyn, Tyler and I did the Dirty Dash.  It was some of the most fun I've had in a while!