I'm Alive and Well!

I've been struggling with some difficult life challenges lately. So I haven't really been blogging, but I wanted everyone to know that I am alive and well. I'm actually finally starting to feel like myself lately and am getting back to being much happier.  I just wanted to share this quote from a play I've been reading called "Rabbit Hole".  It kind of explains everything I've been feeling and I'd really like to remember it! In the play both the mother and the daughter talking have lost a son.  The daughter is asking her mom if the pain from her loss ever goes away.

Becca: Does it ever go away?

Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't - has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.

Becca: How?

Nat: I don't know... the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be aweful - not all the time. It's kinda...

[deep breath]

Nat: not that you'd like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is...

Becca: Which is what?

Nat: Fine, actually.

That's the funny thing, I know I haven't lost a son but the grief process for what I'm going through is just so similar.  I've come to realize that what I have is "Fine, actually" it's not how I would have ever wanted or planned for things to turn out in my life, but it's what I've got.  The brick in my pocket seems to hurt less and less everyday and I'm figuring out how to carry it much better.  I'm so grateful for all the wonderful people who have helped me through this.  Anyways if this doesn't make sense like so many of my posts disregard it.  I'm alive and well and just happy to have a second chance at life!

A Post About ME!

So I don't really know who reads this, but I thought I'd take a few minutes to write about the things I've been up to mostly so I have some form of a journal.  I'm majoring in Health Education with a Chemistry Teaching minor.  I really thought that I would like to be a high school teacher, but the more time I spend in middle schools I think that being around kids is what I really want to do and it doesn't matter where I teach as long as I can get a job!  This semester has been the first one where they have allowed me to be teaching the kids and I have to admit it's kinda scary and a lot harder that what I thought!  I realized that I have so much to learn about being a teacher.  I really thought that it was a skill that just came naturally and I would be so great at it and every student would connect with me....WRONG! I actually have to try really hard to keep their attention, and I've also learned that my high stress personality isn't good for this.  If you want students to respect you, you really have to relax and be approachable because they pick up on your stress.  I thought about my favorite teachers growing up and the main theme was I felt comfortable in their presence and they had very high expectations for my achievement. So I'm learning, but I realized that this is all for my best good.  In a way striving to become a better teacher has really strengthened my testimony because Christ was the greatest teacher of all and I can learn to be more like him by striving to learn how to love and take care of his sheep in my classroom.  What I do is just the coolest! Serious it is! It took me a long time to realize that I didn't need a high paying and highly esteemed job to make me happy.  Helping my students really does make me happy.  Today, I helped a student with a severe learning disability take his test, I had to read the test aloud several times and give many examples of things.  I had patience that I didn't know that I had, but they kid pulled it off and did great! He got an A on the test which helped pull his grade from a D- to a C-.  I can't tell you the joy I felt for him and the encouragement I had to keep going!

What I'm Listening To

So I discovered a new band called Ra Ra Riot, and I am really liking their stuff.  Here are a few of my favorites.
Beta Love
Angel, Please
Too Dramatic
I do these posts mostly so when my baby brother returns from Peru I can catch him up on all the great things I'm discovering.
As far as What I'm Watching
Captain Phillips-Super suspenseful, but I think most people would enjoy it

Keeping Up With the Times-For Elder Preece

So the Killer's new Christmas song came out, turns out BYU students animated the whole thing.  (CalDon loves the killers!)  The link to the video is below

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=938GYJjxBeU

Other than that nothing new to report for my brother.  Jordan and I watched World War Z, it scared me to death but I think CalDon would like it.  Also, Hunger Games II came out! Thats about it!

When I finally Hit it BIG

When I finally hit it big, I want to buy a duck pond.  No kidding...I've done some thinking about this, I'm just worried about how I will keep all the ducks there?  Any suggestions, in the mean time I'm going to dream about walking out into my wonderful peony filled garden and seeing these guys.  Yeah I want to have a house that awesome....A girl can dream.

Hate to admit it....

So I hate to admit it, but I've really enjoyed Nashville.  If you havn't watched it, I recommend it.  But then again, my mom thinks they're all soap operas ha.  If you don't have time to watch it (which I really don't) I recommend on listening to the sound track. Here are a few of my favorite singles from the show

Ho Hey
Telescope
Looking for A Place To Shine
Love Like Mine

What I'm Listening to

CalDon and I have always loved sharing/mocking each other's taste in music.  Since, he'll be away from all of that for a while, I'm going to try and keep my my What I'm Listening to, What I'm Reading, and What I'm Watching lists for him.  Check it out if you want!

-Miniature Tigers: Cannibal Queen
-Little Green Cars: The John Wayne
-Fruit Bats: When U Love Somebody
-Passion Pit: Carried Away
-Capital Cities-Safe and Sound
-Grizzly Bear-Two Weeks
-Beck: Que Onda Guero

Reading: not so much
Watching: Just saw Despicable Me 2; my thoughts: okay not as good as the first.