Words on My Mind

Lawrence pretty much looks worried like this most of the time.  It's his classic face

After making a complete fool of myself  to get him to smile this is about as good as it got.  

So Christmas break is over, and I'm trying to cope with it.  I pretty much hate New Years, the whole holiday.  It probably started in Elementary school and when I realized that New Years meant going back to school.  Yes I realize that you have to go back to school and real life, and that life isn't meant to be a holiday all the time but it's still not easy to go back.

These are the highlights from my break
1. Seeing the family
2. Playing the niece and nephew
3. Extreme Gingerbread house making
4. Going to temple square
5. All you can eat hot chocolate, tea, and cinnamon rolls.
6. Christmas Dinner at the Claytons
7. Watching holiday reels of the years past photos
8. Getting school free quality time with Jord
9. Sleeping in on a week day
10. Getting to spend lots of time with my baby sisters.  They're growing up so fast!

Nicole and Clayton came out before Christmas with little Lawrence.  It's always so nice to see them.  This trans-american family thing kinda sucks but since so many of my goals revolve around moving out of state I have get used to this arrangement.  When they left a few days ago my mom and I moaned around the house for a full day.  I'll miss them!

Although I won't miss his continual night screams or puking.

Which reminds me of my least favorite memory from the break.  Lawrence gets continually teased and tossed around as we try and turn him into a circus performer.  One afternoon we had been implementing spinning, rocket blasting, and all sorts of circus tricks on him. And to his defense he was probably a little dizzy.  Well I lifted him up to tease him and he puked right on my neck and all down my shirt.  It was in my hair and smelled well awful.  I was so shocked, all I could think of is yeah, that just happened.

Anyways, this has turned out to be way to random which I don't like.  So I hope everyone has a great semester and that I can survive another semester of not so much fun! Here's looking forward to SPRING BREAK!

The magic balancing baby, just one example of the many circus tricks Lawrence is capable of preforming.  

Old Advice, Yet Still Good Advice

Remember this post?  I realized that I've needed the advice Lori gave me more now than ever.  So I'm reusing it again to remind mostly me but also the few of my readers that life is good.  You may not be where you want to be in life, but that's okay keep growing and love yourself through it all.  In the end you need to be your own cheerleader, because nobody is harder on you than you.  LOVE YOURSELF and good things will come.

"Love yourself, be proud of yourself, and be very gentle with yourself. If you love who you are, then you will be able to accomplish all your dreams.  Have no judgement with who you are or where you are at in your life.  Just be proud and gentle and loving towards yourself"

The Best I Can Be is Jamaican

These past few weeks have been SO hard for me.  I've been running a day late and a dollar short and that's not usually how I have things done.  This chem class I'm in is TOUGH.  I've been doing so much just to keep my head above water and I'm getting burned out.  Since the beginning of the semester, I've been trying so hard to focus in on this chemistry stuff and block out the distractions that I stopped having fun a long time ago.  Somehow I've forced myself to become this robostudent and I honestly don't like it.  I keep thinking about this scene in Cool Runnings.  I've been trying too hard to be the "Swiss" (the kids that live at school and eat sleep and breath science.  Don't quote me on this but I'm fairly certain they don't ever sleep just compute).  The truth is I'm more of a Jamaican.  I like to watch TV while I do homework, I'm more of a home body, and I'm going to take a break every once in a while.  I've been trying so hard to figure out everything at once, but I'm going to take my time and decided on this transfer one day at a time.  I love my life and I wouldn't want to try being somebody else.  Hopefully, this new attitude will stick and I can regain some sort of happiness!

Ahhhh School's back in Session

Remember when I talked about how much I miss being Summer BriAnne? Well I'm thinking I miss Christmas Break BriAnne too.  Its such a hard transition from total freedom back to total mayhem!  Luckily this semester I got to keep 3 of my good study buddies and I get to make a few more.  Hmmm well today was interesting to say the least I guess I could say I just dove right back into school as if I hadn't missed a step.  I already finished my homework assignment for tomorrow and I'm about to start my reading assignments.  What a hectic life we students live! Anyways I hope all of my fellow students are having a nicer transition than me.  Happy Studying!

No More School...For 2.5 Weeks!

So schools out and idk what to do with my life.  Its a lot of pinterest, a little gilmore girls, a dash of facebook stalking, a lot of Julian Smith videos, and mostly just sleeping in till 11.  Also, I'm still a little obsessed with El Camino.  That's pretty much been break thus far.  Hopefully I'll remember to take some pictures and post them up here but I probably won't.    Have a merry Christmas and enjoy this sweet video!

Someday it will be all worth it!

I wanted to post this inspiring video clip.  Chemistry is tough but I know that someday it will all be worth it. Check out this legit video!

A slightly less awful day

Today was hard.  I can't even put my finger on why.  I burned my finger in my chemistry lab and then had to work for 6 hours after.  Our lab didn't turn out even close to how it should have and I was told by my lab partner that I don't say please enough.  He also went on a monologue about how much I boss him around and neglect to say please.  I felt like I was 5 years old again.  While I know he does like to tease me for good fun I know there was a little truth in it, I didn't like hearing it.  Nothings worse than realizing your in a crabby mood and its hurting everyone around you.  I really wish everyone could see that I'm not always this stressed or this crazy just most days!  Anyways one of my fellow classmates must have sensed my distress and unusually extreme grumpiness because I got a text from her tonight that totally saved my day.  She is a returned student with 3 kids and I really just admire her.  She turned this slightly awful day upside down and helped me realize it wasn't really awful at all.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
The text said, "You are so smart it makes me sick!  And you're so motivated and you know what you want!  So with that being said...my advice to you is this...love yourself, be proud of yourself, and be very gentile with yourself.  If you love who you are, then you will be able to accomplish all of your dreams.  Have no judgement with who you are or where you are at in your life.  Just be proud and gentile and loving towards yourself"
I suppose I should be grateful for the fact that I am even allowed in school because some women aren't even granted that freedom.  I am grateful for having a sound mind (most days), a safe home, food to eat, and a job.  I am so grateful for the stress and bad grades because they motivate me to be better to do better.  I am also grateful for the good grades and fun times because they let me know I am doing all right.  Life is all about perspective!

And if you are bad at saying please and being gentle which I'm sure you are not, but in the rare chance that you are you can join me in my 7 day challenge to:
1. Say please
2. Smile
3. Give compliments
4. Be nice to everybody (Ugh...including my lab partner)
5. Love myself

Student Loan Advice?

If there is anyone who reads my humble blog and has good advice about student loans I'd love to hear it.  I'm in the process of applying to a bigger and more state of the art school but I'm stressing the student loans and cost of living.  So far with my scholarships and part time job, I've been able to pay cash for my education but now I'm afraid it won't be sufficient.  I'm still crossing my fingers for the transfer scholarship or any departmental ones I'm applying for but I'm not exactly sure if that's going through.  So if you have any advice I'd love to hear it!

-Bee

Broken Lab Equipment

If you haven't heard this story from me personally well ask because its seriously worth it and much funnier in person.  So you see when I went to the saftely lab for my chemistry class last week I had a pretty good idea on who I wanted to be my partner, but I wasn't so sure on how things were going to shake out so I held back and missed my oppurtunity.  Conversation was flowing really well between me and potential partner and I was thinking that I had my hooks into him.  That I was not going to be stuck with some crappy partner.  Well I did because easy dropper Louie snatched him up.  Can you believe that they served in the SAME mission yet missed each other by inch so never met,YET that small bond was great enough to throw me on the street partnerless.  Anyways today was my 2nd lab. While trying to avoid a girl that I do not like, I ended up with a stranger for a lab partner.  I started out with a good attitude, he wasn't the partner I wanted but we could be okay.  That wasn't the case.  He was one of those guys that's a little too in touch with their femine side for my liking, but that wasn't as much of a problem as the fact that he was a hugger. He has no sense of personal space/ my bubble.  My bubble is kind of a big deal, don't get any closer than about 1.5 feet of me and we can be friends; any closer and I'm freaking out.  My partner continued to rub my back and hover about 1 inch over me.  I was NOT a happy girl.  It was making me so uncomfortable it felt like every single move of mine was shakey and insecure.  I got the nervous sweats and my lab goggles literally fogged up.  Well as luck would have it my elbow knocked someting off of the table which then landed into the sink and shattered.  I had to take the walk of shame up to the instructor and inform him that I had broken the 10 mL graduated cylinder.  I swear normally I'm not too accident prone, but today I felt like I had a giant L stamped to my forhead.  I get to wait and see exactly how much the cylinder costs and pay my embarrassing debts.  At the end of the day I'm just mad I had an accident but I'll try harder to be more careful from now on.  Hopefully lab is all up hill from here and I don't break anything else.

***Just to note I do plan on posting some birthday pics its just going to take a while because I'm super swamped with school!

Lucky Nomenclature

If you have ever wondered where the URL for my blog name came from its from one of my favorite songs by OneRepublic.  Its pretty obvious HUH? During last semester's final weeks I was struggling.  It was my first finals week after all and there was a lot of pressure on my.  If you are familiar with Boyles Law of Gases You understand exactly what I'm trying to express here. As you increase the pressure the volume of the gas is inversely related and the gas volume decreases.  Well I felt like one of those poor gas molecules and I was going insane! I think that might have even been why started this blog. Well I first heard the song on pandora and I couldn't get it out of my head, I was hooked.  I listened to it more than a hundred times during finals week last semester and it helped to boost my spirits and remind me that no matter how poorly I did on my finals it wasn't going to be a big deal in the long run.  Even though it seemed like my entire life's success was strung between those finals and poverty.  I realized that worst case scenario was that I could fail a few classes and end up having to retake them.  Luckily I only ended up with one A- last semester and all the rest A's! And my life continued forward with out so much as a bump.  SO the point I'm trying to make is this song is pretty special to me.  And I want to share one of the coolest things has happened to me this semester; pretty much every time that I've gotten up this semester, stressed, eye twitching and out of my mind to go take a test/midterm I've hear this song on my car radio (yes its an emotional moment, my heart isn't completely stone!)  Yesterday when I took my Chem test I heard this song I realized that every time I've gone to take a test I'll flip through my radio stations find this song (poorly) sing along and its like coughing up a wad of anxiety.  I guess for me it feels like Heavenly Father saying "I know you've worked hard and everything is going to work out"  Its like a Heavenly hug of encouragement.  Yeah I guess it might sound strange but its been one of the tender mercies that has helped me through this semester, and I LOVE it.

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What I'm Listening To:   

Modest Mouse- Gravity Rides Everything
Volcano- Damien Rice

Its official

I got my first A of the semester and it feels G-DOUBLE O-D GOOD! To  celebrate I made the worlds best chocolate chip cookies and procrastinated studying for finals for 2 hours!
So now I just need to get an A in my chem class and I'll be set to get my cool science t-shirt?
Which one do you like I've got these pegged out

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On an Alternate note me my brother and two sisters were having a open debate on what Disney prince is the most charming. Its rough but here is how I decided to rank them.  

Cinderella's Man---10

Snow White's Man---9.8

Ariel's Man---9.5

Aurora's Man---9.5

Belle's Man---5

Jasmine's Man---5

No MORE TRUNCH BULL!!!

Today was my final lab for chemistry this semester.  I was so giddy as I left today I could hardly contain my excitement.  I am forever and ever free of the awfulness that was my lab instructor.  Although I am a little sad because she and I had just barely moved into a neutral zone, and now I have to start all over again next semester with a new lab instructor.  But that sadness only slightly clouded my happiness today.  Just the thought of being done with lab filled me with joy, but in reality my happiness beaker is overflowing today.  You see something unexpected happed today.  I managed to thank the Trunchbull for a fun and educational semester (I know it was a big step but personal issues aside I did learn a TON).  On my way out of the class room I was kicking my heels together and  singing HOORRAY!....when she thanked me for being a good student! I could hardly believe my ears a complement from the trunchbull NO WAY! Yeah TODAY pretty much ROCKED! 

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What I'm Listening To:

Kate Nash-Foundations 

Kate Nash-Mouth Wash

Spring Break......I think you mean Spring BROKE

At 10 O'Clock today I got out of my stats class and thus started my spring break.  In celebration I thought that I would make some spring cupcakes.  They were adorable and must have tasted good because they are almost gone.  I love cupcakes because they remind me of something one of my best friends once told me, "Cupcakes are just like happiness they are perfect place between too little and too much!" Anyways, I wanted to celebrate my three days of freedom VIVA LA VEGAS style, but I'm super broke and cannot afford such a luxury.  My spring break is going to be nothing like what Hollywood would want you to think spring break is like for your average college kid.  I promise there will be no alcohol, beaches, bikinis, or "GOING WILD".  In fact I highly doubt that I will even be partying, MY list of activities for the break are fairly limited and have to cost next to nothing. So these are the things I'm looking forward to doing while I get a break from school.

1. Finishing my service learning hours

2. Taking LONG showers with no guilt/wearing makeup/and doing my hair everyday (My little sister commented on how lame this was BUT hey college is a time suck and somethings gotta give =] )

3. Going to a movie (I found a gift certificate in my wallet and I'm itching to use it)

4. My little brothers first PROM!

5. Getting caught up on my homework and taking a test!

6. Researching future career options (Actually I'm not looking forward to this but its really for my own good)

So folks HAPPY SPRING BROKE!
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P.S. I got my first bridal shower announcement of this years mating season.  I can't believe my friends are engaged and weirder yet getting married??? I just keep asking myself who okayed this, aren't we just kids? I think I missed something here or blinked...I must have definitely blinked! 

Should I be concerned???

Take a long hard look and decide which graph has the lowest peak....what color is it? Take your time its vital that you get the correct answer.

Did you answer blue?  Well you are WRONG according to my stats teacher you're looking at a "green" line.  Should I be concerned that the woman who is supposed to be teaching me complex statistics hasn't learned enough English to determine what the colors are (a test most kindergartens could pass)???

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P.S. I'm probably the most pathetic girl there ever was! After loosing my entire contact list, pretty much everybodies numbers are a mystery to me ...but I just keep on thinking it will be him and the conversation goes something like:
Mystery number: hey whats up?
Me: not much? So funny story I broke my phone recently and lost all of my numbers, so who is this?
Mystery number turns out not to be "cute boy" and instead a female that actually has a question for me or wants to meet up in a study group.
The most crushing conversation went like this today
Mystery number:Hey I was wondering if you were free Friday night around 5:30ish? 
(At this point I was super excited, actually thats an understatement I was GLOWING! Not only was "cute boy" talking to me but he possibly was asking me on a date.  Yeah I know asking someone on a date over text isn't chivalrous but it was still enough to have me excited...Well it turns out I was jumping the gun {I actually have never understood this expression maybe thats why I do it so much} The rest of the texting conversation went as follows)
Me: Funny story I broke my phone last week, so I don't know who this is?
Mystery number: Its me Tosha (the woman I typically babysit for on my dateless weekends; which is most if not all weekends)
So there will be no date, just desperate old me "JUMPING THE GUN"....SO I've gone to thinking about composing a song called HE'S NOT CALLING or DON'T CHECK YOUR TEXTS CAUSE HE ISN'T GOING TO TEXT....Who knows? I could be the next Taylor Swift whining about my boy trama, but then again I don't really sing! 

The TRUNCHBULL

Have you ever had a teacher that scared the living daylights out of you?  For the most part I can tolerate my teachers no matter how mean/tough/rude they can be to me.  Although more recently I'm fairly certain that no amount of communication strategies will help me out here.  I'm enrolled in a few science labs and they are for the most part fun.  With one HUGE exception.  The professor reminds me of the Trunchbull from Matilda.  Actually, I think the Truchbull herself came out of retirement just to torture me.  Its not bad enough that I feel like an novas asking her questions.  Its all new to me and I'm sorta clueless but she rolls her eyes and talks down to me as if I was the village idiot.  Just asking her what assignments are due will turn her into a royal (you know what)....I'm not exaggerating when I say that most of the class is horrified by the slender 5'2" blond.  S My binder for this 1 credit class is 3x as big as mine for any of the other ones and I spend on average double the time doing her homework.  I find this frustrating ironic and a lesson learner.  

Frustrating because: For six weeks this woman will haunt my dreams make my heart skip a beat when she speaks in her stern voice or calls my name.  

Ironic because: I vowed never to take a science lab/class again from a female professor for some reason they are egotistic narcissist.  Its only ironic because I am a science major and currently exploring the teaching option. 

and Lastly this is a lesson learner because: You actions behaviors and moods effect everyone around you.  Its so important to treat everyone with kindness.  I hope I remember the Trunchbull and never become like her when I'm teaching high school biology!

And now my homework is telling me to get married?

Most college students worry about marriage after graduation.  They order their life 1. High school 2. college 3.find a job/cohabitate, 4.get married, (5)Possibly reproduce.  Well growing up in a strong Christian community has helped me to condense and simplify a few of these steps.  My expected life plan looks a little like this 1. High School 2."College/Marriage/Reproduce" or Mission--> Marriage. Where I'm from if you make it to the ripe old age of 25 without legally tying yourself to someone else you are considered an old maid and people actually start to pity you.  It may sound like I'm exaggerating but I'm not.  At the age of 19.5, I am already starting to feel the pressure to tie it off and have some offspring of my own.  Primarily I started feeling pressured while listening to speakers at church or institute.  For example on the first day of singles ward (a special meeting of church for young non-married adults) a girl greeted us all to the meeting by saying, "Welcome to meat market day".  While I don't like being referred to as a piece of meat I couldn't have agreed more with her.  I felt the heat of a thousand eyes leveling each other up or comparing their looks.  While this experience was definitely intense,  but I soon became immune to the marriage pressure.  I'm used to my undecorated left ring finger and people glancing at it before we can actually have a normal conversation.  Its not that I don't want to be a glowing bride eventually.....thats just it I want that eventually not today or in a year from today but in a good 4 to 5 years from now. I've gotten so tired of feeling pressured to find the love of my life that I cope by obsessing about my homework.  While it might be counter productive to the marriage problem, it sure helps me get better grades and avoid the creepy stalkers.  So what I didn't expect was receiving marriage pressure from my homework.  Usually, I feel quite comfortable doing my homework.  It asks a question and I spit out an answer.  However, yesterday I was not given this mercy.  I'm taking a sociology of the family class and I have to fill out several surveys/activities dealing with the family.  At the end of the activities there are always a few reflection questions. Yesterday my homework's reflection question asked me to discuss with my spouse or partner what I learned about boundaries in our marriage and how we can protect them. I was a little frustrated and I considered for about two seconds discussing with my imaginary spouse what I had learned and typing up a clever response to fulfill the assignment and just get it done without having to explain how very single I am.  Although, I decided that I wasn't going to lie for a homework assignment.  At the bottom of my paper are two blank questions with a one line explanation. "Not Applicable" I never knew that two words could even feel so empowering!

Even in College there is Detention

Well I'm not sure if today was better or worse than my last first day of the semester. I'm thinking better because my new roommate prefers to sleep with her clothes on and I have yet to shed a tear today! I have a funny chemistry teacher, but I can't understand a word he says enrolling in Chinese 101 might have been a good idea but all the classes are full and so I am STUCK reading teach yourself Chinese books over the weekend! The second class I arrived at today was taught by a small power trippy man! He looked kinda like the John Hammond on Jurassic Park complete with the stellar hat, leather jacket, and (sickly enough) skinny jeans. He fulfilled my very fear as a professor.  As he ranted in what my elementary teachers would have called a 36 in voice, I couldn't help but giggle inside. I knew a secret he didn't!  ANTHRO 101 is not ever required for my major...(not having one makes that super easy) so dropping the class was not going to broadly effect my future I did what every responsible college kid would do and stuck it to the man.  Exactly 3 minutes and 10 seconds after leaving that class I dropped it.  Although the classes that are not full on the first day of school typically turn out the be the horrible teachers or the service learning classes.  Lucky me I got a ..................SERVICE LEARNING!.....it requires 20 hours of service this semester. Registering for this class late caused me to miss the class and so I am also going to be uber clueless come Friday when I get to go to my "first" or everyone else's "second" day of class! So guess what kids, it looks like being a punk lands you in detention every time!

BOOKS, BOOKS, and Fees!

If I were an alien following me in attempt to understand humankind, I would probably think books were a rare commodity.  Lately books seem to take up all of my time, money, and energy!  I work all day at the library with books, in my spare time I research my textbooks to find the best price, and today I bought a grand total of $120 worth of textbooks and I still another $130 of books to go!  Not to mention I still have my course fees to pay!  I am seriously hoping that some kind of money fairy drops by soon to help me with them, but I hardly think that is going to happen!  At any rate in about a week I get to hit the books again and start my second semester of college.  If only I could choose a major!

Final Finals...and Nutcrackers

Yesterday I took 3 finals. 

I woke up at 5 AM!

and didn't finish until 4 PM!

Now I'm finished and 

Ready to enjoy 3 painless weeks

at home with my family before

going back to school for

STATISTICS, CHEMISTRY, and ANTHROPOLOGY

Directly after I finished my final

I got picked up and literally dragged 

to dinner and the nutcracker.

While I should have Carpe Diemed it

I had a bad attitude and probably wasn't the most receptive of 

guests, (Insert a few apologies here and a thank you to my unpraised host)

I have always loved the Snowflake Dance and that I did Enjoy.

Overall, It was just nice to know that I am LOVED.

I'm not perfect at making everyday as happy and joyful as it can be yet. 

Sometime in the good life I have bad days and really bad days but in the end

It makes us appreciate the good ones even more!

So I'm going to make today a GOOD ONE.